I Ain't Always Under Good Pinning

There is always an ominous question that looms over me, especially as things have progressed over time into what they are. The more the success and developments in my personal space bring more condensed, and sustained treasures, which albeit, are not gains that are usually my sole endeavor, it brings with it the perennial naysayers, and endearing souls, to inquire as to the nature of success. Im a bit lost for words at that stage. It's not as if I am not cognizant of the fact, that the actions that I take and move beyond are my own and that there aren't aspects that clearly highlight the urgency and developments that spaces take within frameworks and minutest of applications, it's also of an awareness that it's not just my own.

Many gains are arduous by nature, and virtue. Some paths that I have now taken into the fourth year of my five year degree, are tumultuous to say the least, and systematically erratic in developments, and the ways that I have gone about them. Success albeit, is good, the failures however are foundational, and often far more numerous when looking at the onset rather than breaking into smaller fragments the very being that strives towards the frontiers. Its not easy to be perceptive. It is definitely not easy in the world of gizmos, abundant social agenda lifestyle, soaring social media applications, to stay hydrated in thoughts of secure growth. The flux that presents within the spheres of other individuals, the confusion and cacophony resultant from incidental neighbors in your life, like your classmates, peers and critics make into what you do, and challenge your mental faculties, are abundantly not just superficially cognizable as an abundant concern, yet risk the very dreams and views that we live for.

I am no different. Early on it all felt a bit jagged, rather dated even. Schooling was a very different facet, going into its challenges of course is of consequence yet, to note, it was overall a harsh time. Till date, even post many years, the feelings of security I have tried to nurture in my own self, and in my own ways, yet they are abundantly at war with the scrimmages that are people, opinions, choices and society. Societal pinning are an underrated quantifier and qualifier. What do I mean? Well in essence, it is a harsh proponent, and a harsh opponent.

So when people ask, what are your goals? What are your plans? How did you reach where you did?

Am I secure, then? Well, it is more complex of course. Sometimes the question denotes a stance that I wish I would have worked at differently. So, definitely, it isn't the easiest to answer. Sometimes, when a colleague, or a peer, appreciates my work, gives me space for positivism, it is great a feeling, yet as human as I am, there are also doubts. It is not a divulged duopoly however. Nor a scale. It fluctuates, on emotion, on the smile that secured my morning and day, on the little fight that broke it down. It is complex, as complex as it is to understand the sustenance of emotions, and as complex as I denote within me.

So what then is it that I can tell someone, when these avenues occur? It's always what I have believed got me through the hardest of challenges, or which allowed me to grow. Challenge, your own self. Change your own avenues, and tread your own careful path. Enjoy the growth around your journey, appreciate yourself. Over time, you yourself shall feel more. Joyous, comfortable, and that in what you do and who you are is the most comfortable space to be in.

P.s. This is, and was a sporadic piece, and quite a long time since I actually wrote. Hopefully, more regular, amidst piling pressure.

Till next time,

K.